Erk. Check out this article in the Daily Mail and then read the comments. While it's horrible enough that their venue lost their flowers, special biscuits and served the wrong food, their entertainment also played the wrong first song. All of that should have been compensated for and the venue should have apologised excessively - by the sounds of it, they are not a good venue!
I think what's worse is that their guests seem to be more interested in the X Factor judges (really? the judges?) than anything else - how awful to do all that planning and making sure you have a great day for your friends and family and then to have them shun you for minor celebrities. I think I'd get new friends and family!
The thing that did make me laugh is the comments - specifically the ones about how £26,000 is a lot of money to spend on a wedding. It is - but then you realise that the average is £25,000. Trust me when I say - I can see why. It's hard to budget because wedding prices are so extreme! Maybe when we stop playing £25,000 for a wedding, prices might come down?
The other comment that made me chuckle is the one about the food - sweetie, if you don't know what a fondant is, perhaps you need to try new restaurants?! (Gotta get my snob on somehow!)
Monday, 28 November 2011
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Food glorious food
Ah, menus. I love creating menus. I love eating, so this is natural. I have both specific requirements for my wedding menu but also am open to suggestions, so this is quite a nice thing to sort out.
One thing I definitely want to do is some sort of choice for my guests. I woud like to be able to give them a menu of three choices for three courses and get them to say which one they want and then brief my caterers. I think that's nicer than just choosing meat or veggie options and I'm happy to pay more.
The thing I want to save on is the canapes - they may keep people from becoming so peckish and/or drunk they don't enjoy the champagne, but given that we're planning on getting hitched in the late afternoon and then dinner will be served, these are less of an issue for me. Anyone know of any ways to keep these costs down?
Finally, we really enjoy cheese in our friend group, and I know a great cheesemongers in Marylebone. So I think I'm going to put together my own cheese board for the late night cheese and cake fest as a personal touch that should also save money!
The next thing to do is gether quotes and organize tastings. I tried to organize one but they said that if I chose them as the vendor it was free but if I went with another caterer they would charge me £45 a head. While I appreciate they can't be giving out free food all the time, what if their food is godawful? It seems a bit rich to blackmail someone into booking them with a fairly hefty fine. Is this normal practice?
One thing I definitely want to do is some sort of choice for my guests. I woud like to be able to give them a menu of three choices for three courses and get them to say which one they want and then brief my caterers. I think that's nicer than just choosing meat or veggie options and I'm happy to pay more.
The thing I want to save on is the canapes - they may keep people from becoming so peckish and/or drunk they don't enjoy the champagne, but given that we're planning on getting hitched in the late afternoon and then dinner will be served, these are less of an issue for me. Anyone know of any ways to keep these costs down?
Finally, we really enjoy cheese in our friend group, and I know a great cheesemongers in Marylebone. So I think I'm going to put together my own cheese board for the late night cheese and cake fest as a personal touch that should also save money!
The next thing to do is gether quotes and organize tastings. I tried to organize one but they said that if I chose them as the vendor it was free but if I went with another caterer they would charge me £45 a head. While I appreciate they can't be giving out free food all the time, what if their food is godawful? It seems a bit rich to blackmail someone into booking them with a fairly hefty fine. Is this normal practice?
Friday, 28 October 2011
Designer vs Luxury
I've now been to two wedding shows and I may have got a favourite out of those two. I first went to the Designer Wedding Show in Battersea. Great location and venue, very expensive sandwiches and drinks and no free champagne, which I always think is a downer when pitching a 'posh' wedding show. There's no goody bag and only a few of the stalls were that relevant.
I think when you go to these 'top-tier' shows, you have to remember that unless you are rolling in money, people like the photographers etc are not going to be affordable. It's great to get ideas, but at the same time, that's what magazines are for. I think you have to see what suppliers are going beforehand and then go and chat to the ones you are serious about. I spent far too long talking to a stationery vendor that I was never going to buy from!
Saying that, I was surprised by a vendor who I had never heard of but who did lovely head wear and veils and got to try one on (well, several) so that was really exciting. However, the catwalk show wasn't great - too bright and too loud - and none of the dresses looked tempting. I also don't think you could try any on - I think they were just for display.
The same was true at the Luxury Wedding Show but here, the catwalk was accompanied by a free glasses of champagne, the lights weren't directed on you and the dresses were interesting and gorgeous. They had a few similar vendors to the Designer show but I saw new faces and tried some delicious cake, something that had been sorely missing from the first show!
There was also an excellent goody bag, with OPI nail polish, Elemis body cream, Dermalogica face cream, Pearl Drops toothpaste, L'Oreal hairspray and a Gu bar, as well as samples. I really enjoyed this one, even though I took most of it with a pinch of salt. I'm excited about the bun fight that will be the National Wedding Show. Any tips? Go early or late?
I think when you go to these 'top-tier' shows, you have to remember that unless you are rolling in money, people like the photographers etc are not going to be affordable. It's great to get ideas, but at the same time, that's what magazines are for. I think you have to see what suppliers are going beforehand and then go and chat to the ones you are serious about. I spent far too long talking to a stationery vendor that I was never going to buy from!
Saying that, I was surprised by a vendor who I had never heard of but who did lovely head wear and veils and got to try one on (well, several) so that was really exciting. However, the catwalk show wasn't great - too bright and too loud - and none of the dresses looked tempting. I also don't think you could try any on - I think they were just for display.
The same was true at the Luxury Wedding Show but here, the catwalk was accompanied by a free glasses of champagne, the lights weren't directed on you and the dresses were interesting and gorgeous. They had a few similar vendors to the Designer show but I saw new faces and tried some delicious cake, something that had been sorely missing from the first show!
There was also an excellent goody bag, with OPI nail polish, Elemis body cream, Dermalogica face cream, Pearl Drops toothpaste, L'Oreal hairspray and a Gu bar, as well as samples. I really enjoyed this one, even though I took most of it with a pinch of salt. I'm excited about the bun fight that will be the National Wedding Show. Any tips? Go early or late?
Friday, 7 October 2011
First wedding show
I'm off to the Designer Wedding Show tomorrow with Future Husband and my mother, who is mostly looking foward to the champagne. She's already in a flap because she doesn't know what she is going to wear and she is apparently too fat for everything. Bear in mind she is the same size as me and I'm the one who has to fit into a wedding dress, I think she has it easy!
I'm really not sure what to expect at a wedding show. I'm anticipating lots of suppliers and coming away with a lot of contact details, but I think we are fairly certain on a number of things we want to do so I don't know how persuasive they will be. I'm also fairly wary of the tag 'designer' because I would like my wedding to be personal and comfortable with some nice touches and not at all designer! So we shall see.
Anyone lurking out there have any tips for going round a wedding show?
I'm really not sure what to expect at a wedding show. I'm anticipating lots of suppliers and coming away with a lot of contact details, but I think we are fairly certain on a number of things we want to do so I don't know how persuasive they will be. I'm also fairly wary of the tag 'designer' because I would like my wedding to be personal and comfortable with some nice touches and not at all designer! So we shall see.
Anyone lurking out there have any tips for going round a wedding show?
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Heavy burden
So, I am trying to lose 3 stone (45lbs or thereabouts) by July next year so I can go wedding dress shopping without feeling like a blob.
This is very fucking hard.
Now, not to be all middle-class problems about my life (I'm well aware I have a very blessed life in pretty much all respects), but I have always struggled with my weight. I was a rounded child that lost all the puppy fat and still thought she was fat when I was a size 10/12 (that's a US 6/8). Gradually over the years, the weight has crept on and I never did anything about it. If I could tell 20 year-old-me one thing, it wouldn't be 'don't waste your tears over that person' or 'don't choose that job', it would be 'get down a gym and quit smoking or you'll struggle later in life'.
My mother (bless her) has also always struggled with her weight. To make sure I 'never had her problems', she refused pastry, cream, bacon, butter, full fat or sugar puddings and myriad other evils at our dining table growing up. I have never been one of those people who has to have something sweet after dinner. I've never eaten a huge amount. But I like my food, I like my food cooked in butter and juices, I like to eat out, and I love love love to drink.
So I cut back on what I was eating. I've tried not to eat carbs at lunch and dinner because they make me sleepy, so I kept up with that. I eat porridge for breakfast and salads or soups for lunch. I eat salads or chicken casseroles for dinner. I attempt to eat Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese) if and when we go out. And I all but stopped drinking during the week. This is on top of my new regime of going to Pilates once a week, seeing my trainer once a week and going to Zumba classes twice a week (hopefully going up to three when my back problem can cope).
I keep a food diary and send it to my personal trainer (told you it was a middle-class whinge). And now she wants me to give up booze totally.
I actively look forward to my 3-4 glasses of wine a week. I love wine. I love the taste. I love the smell. I love how it feels decadent on my tongue.
I honestly cried when she said she didn't think I'd see any weight loss without stopping drinking. I'd rather give up cheese and chocolate than booze. I gave up booze once before and didn't lose a single pound. So I'm feeling very depressed and put out that all of my changes and effort appear to count for nothing unless I give up everything I like. I can't even keep one fucking treat while I sweat and cry and go to bed hungry and ignore that other people are shovelling awesome-looking food in their mouths.
I compromised and said I'd quit drinking after our engagement party in two weeks. I'm sure when I get into it, it won't be that bad. I'm sure I can cope with it for a while. It will do me good, and hey, with that and my exercise and diet, this time it might just work for me and I'll go to Cuba in December looking svelte.
But I just feel a bit like I've been kicked while I'm still down, you know?
This is very fucking hard.
Now, not to be all middle-class problems about my life (I'm well aware I have a very blessed life in pretty much all respects), but I have always struggled with my weight. I was a rounded child that lost all the puppy fat and still thought she was fat when I was a size 10/12 (that's a US 6/8). Gradually over the years, the weight has crept on and I never did anything about it. If I could tell 20 year-old-me one thing, it wouldn't be 'don't waste your tears over that person' or 'don't choose that job', it would be 'get down a gym and quit smoking or you'll struggle later in life'.
My mother (bless her) has also always struggled with her weight. To make sure I 'never had her problems', she refused pastry, cream, bacon, butter, full fat or sugar puddings and myriad other evils at our dining table growing up. I have never been one of those people who has to have something sweet after dinner. I've never eaten a huge amount. But I like my food, I like my food cooked in butter and juices, I like to eat out, and I love love love to drink.
So I cut back on what I was eating. I've tried not to eat carbs at lunch and dinner because they make me sleepy, so I kept up with that. I eat porridge for breakfast and salads or soups for lunch. I eat salads or chicken casseroles for dinner. I attempt to eat Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese) if and when we go out. And I all but stopped drinking during the week. This is on top of my new regime of going to Pilates once a week, seeing my trainer once a week and going to Zumba classes twice a week (hopefully going up to three when my back problem can cope).
I keep a food diary and send it to my personal trainer (told you it was a middle-class whinge). And now she wants me to give up booze totally.
I actively look forward to my 3-4 glasses of wine a week. I love wine. I love the taste. I love the smell. I love how it feels decadent on my tongue.
I honestly cried when she said she didn't think I'd see any weight loss without stopping drinking. I'd rather give up cheese and chocolate than booze. I gave up booze once before and didn't lose a single pound. So I'm feeling very depressed and put out that all of my changes and effort appear to count for nothing unless I give up everything I like. I can't even keep one fucking treat while I sweat and cry and go to bed hungry and ignore that other people are shovelling awesome-looking food in their mouths.
I compromised and said I'd quit drinking after our engagement party in two weeks. I'm sure when I get into it, it won't be that bad. I'm sure I can cope with it for a while. It will do me good, and hey, with that and my exercise and diet, this time it might just work for me and I'll go to Cuba in December looking svelte.
But I just feel a bit like I've been kicked while I'm still down, you know?
Monday, 26 September 2011
Worries
I am convinced somewhere along the way my mother is going to send me a card similar to this.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Not for me
If I see another article on how to get the Vintage look for your wedding, I'm going to scream. Vintage is everywhere, sometimes real Vintage and sometimes fake Vintage, but it all involves birdcages and tea cups. And peonies and pink and green. I am so bored of the Vintage theme, I really am. It's now too easy to do. Everyone is doing it. Can we have a new trend now?
Or to go to the other extreme, there is the punk, modern pin-up hipster trend which is the second most common theme - more prevalent on the internet than in magazines. Edgy and cool, you have to have non-traditional parents or balls of steel to have this - looks fantastic and is so not us.
The third major theme seems to be Tiffany blue. Seriously.
What about the brides that don't fit into these themes? I want something less romantic and twee than Vintage but less kitsch and more traditional than hipster. I do not want Tiffany blue, unless they sponsor my wedding.
Oh, I know that sometimes there will be a feature on a beach-themed wedding, or one with a peacock theme, but come on: their must be more inventive ideas than this? What about a movies/Hollywood theme? Or a global/travelling theme? Or a Storybook love theme? Or modern fairytale? Or burlesque? Or a circus theme? So much fun stuff, so little makes it into the pages of the magazines in the shops. Such a shame.
Or to go to the other extreme, there is the punk, modern pin-up hipster trend which is the second most common theme - more prevalent on the internet than in magazines. Edgy and cool, you have to have non-traditional parents or balls of steel to have this - looks fantastic and is so not us.
The third major theme seems to be Tiffany blue. Seriously.
What about the brides that don't fit into these themes? I want something less romantic and twee than Vintage but less kitsch and more traditional than hipster. I do not want Tiffany blue, unless they sponsor my wedding.
Oh, I know that sometimes there will be a feature on a beach-themed wedding, or one with a peacock theme, but come on: their must be more inventive ideas than this? What about a movies/Hollywood theme? Or a global/travelling theme? Or a Storybook love theme? Or modern fairytale? Or burlesque? Or a circus theme? So much fun stuff, so little makes it into the pages of the magazines in the shops. Such a shame.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Mrs Blobby in a Dress
While we're on the topic of wedding dresses, I have a confession: I am not at all excited or thrilled at the prospect of The Dress TM. There is a very good reason for this and then another, smaller reason.
The main reason: I am fat. I am five foot three and I'm a UK size 16. I have a prominent belly and I don't look very good in clothes. I have very low self-esteem. I am now exercising at least four times a week and am on a strict diet, and the idea is to lose at least 45 lbs before I start shopping. So I can't get excited about wedding dresses, because a) if I tried it on now I wouldn't look very good and I would cry and b) when I think about dresses, I think about muscle pain, being unable to breathe and salads.
You can see how this a downer.
Oh, and I'm not slagging women who are size 16 and higher and proud - you go and be proud. Full figured women can be gorgeous. I am not one of those women. I am not curvy, or full-figured - I do not go in at any point. I look like someone who should be a size 12-14 and has eaten too much because that is exactly what I am. The shortness doesn't help either. I'm like an apple with dumpy legs.
The smaller reason is that when I think about structured gowns, my lungs get worried. I don't want a lot of structure digging into my rib cage. I want to be able to breathe and eat on my wedding day. Beading makes me worry about scratching the inside of my upper arms, as this is what happens when I wear anything beaded, and lace makes me simply itchy all over. I generally dislike all decoration that traditionally goes on wedding dresses. Plus, white and ivory are not my colours. I have seen maybe two dresses I like and that's it.
So it's going to take a few months before I can get excited about wedding dresses, and I fear the actual shopping for them. I don't want the beading and lace that covers 90% of wedding dresses and so either my shopping will take minutes or months. Not an appealing prospect!
The main reason: I am fat. I am five foot three and I'm a UK size 16. I have a prominent belly and I don't look very good in clothes. I have very low self-esteem. I am now exercising at least four times a week and am on a strict diet, and the idea is to lose at least 45 lbs before I start shopping. So I can't get excited about wedding dresses, because a) if I tried it on now I wouldn't look very good and I would cry and b) when I think about dresses, I think about muscle pain, being unable to breathe and salads.
You can see how this a downer.
Oh, and I'm not slagging women who are size 16 and higher and proud - you go and be proud. Full figured women can be gorgeous. I am not one of those women. I am not curvy, or full-figured - I do not go in at any point. I look like someone who should be a size 12-14 and has eaten too much because that is exactly what I am. The shortness doesn't help either. I'm like an apple with dumpy legs.
The smaller reason is that when I think about structured gowns, my lungs get worried. I don't want a lot of structure digging into my rib cage. I want to be able to breathe and eat on my wedding day. Beading makes me worry about scratching the inside of my upper arms, as this is what happens when I wear anything beaded, and lace makes me simply itchy all over. I generally dislike all decoration that traditionally goes on wedding dresses. Plus, white and ivory are not my colours. I have seen maybe two dresses I like and that's it.
So it's going to take a few months before I can get excited about wedding dresses, and I fear the actual shopping for them. I don't want the beading and lace that covers 90% of wedding dresses and so either my shopping will take minutes or months. Not an appealing prospect!
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Movie weddings
Having a mosey around the internetz to see if I can spot any dress styles I like and I come across the following: two slide shows on movie and TV weddings.
It strikes me that most wedding dresses in movies and TV are either hideous or blah - the same no-sleeve dress with beading. I think the only one I'm drawn to is Anne Hathaway's in Bride Wars. Of course, the likelihood of me a) affording and b) fitting into a Vera Wang are slim to none, but oh well!
It strikes me that most wedding dresses in movies and TV are either hideous or blah - the same no-sleeve dress with beading. I think the only one I'm drawn to is Anne Hathaway's in Bride Wars. Of course, the likelihood of me a) affording and b) fitting into a Vera Wang are slim to none, but oh well!
Monday, 19 September 2011
PES: Pre Engagement Stress
I really, really wish I had found this series of blog-posts over at A Practical Wedding a year ago. Being 'pre-engaged' can be a hellish, hellish time. I was an insufferable whinger that went completely crazy - you can tell this because I started this blog about two months before we got engaged!
When I talk about the pre-engaged state, people can look at you oddly and query 'you mean dating?'. No. no, I do not mean dating. There was a good year and a half, two years of 'dating' in our history and I wouldn't call that pre-engaged. I mean the state where you have had The Talk, the one about your future and how you would like to marry each other and who wants kids and where will you live and all the other things that make up your life as you wish it. You squeeze each other's hands when someone says something lovely at a wedding and grin at each other when people say 'you two next, eh?'.
Well, you do those things the first couple of months. Then it starts getting a bit more serious. I mean, you need to know about his family medical history and what he thinks makes a good proposal. You start looking at your friend's wedding pictures again, and hanging on to their every word about the proposal. Then, you have your first hissy fit. It might not be over something big. It might be he said he can't envision it this year, or he hasn't really thought about it that much, or he didn't look at the handy list of ring ideas you gave him that one night you were all loved up.
This is when it starts biting you in the ass. Because if you are anything like me, you are in control of your life. You make decisions on things that impact your life, with and without your partner. The very idea that someone else is the gatekeeper, and therefore in control of your future happiness, makes you want to scream.
So you scream. The first fight was solved easily enough by you blaming low blood sugar and him hugging you and telling you he loved you. The second fight is uglier; it involves sentences like 'They are getting married and they've only been togther 18 months!' and 'Everyone but me is getting married and they all pity me!' and 'Maybe you don't really love me.' It's a bit of a train wreck.
My best tantrum came after a trip to Hatton Garden (London jewellery district) to fix a bracelet and we then had a look at rings through the windows. I was thrilled. I wanted to try them on, just to see what suited me. Just to feel like maybe we were getting to that place. Plus, shiny diamonds. Who wouldn't? He didn't want me to try any on. 'What's the point?' he asked. 'We're not buying anything.'
We walked to the Tube station in silence and then I had a crying fit of epic proportions. I felt like he wasn't serious, and although I didn't want him to buy anything just yet, I just wanted us to take one more step down that road. I felt guilty for pressuring him and frustrated that he couldn't see how important it was to me. It turned into a horrible, horrible day.
I wish that I had known that other people were doing the same thing. That there were others who were just as impatient, just as 'in the marriage place' to be behaving as I was. I don't really wish I had done anything differently, because that wouldn't be me (plus, I think the fit got through to him how much I wanted some form of nod towards commitment). My friends appeared to take the whole 'your future happiness is in his hands and his decision alone' with grace, but now I'm not so sure. I think I might ask them to see if they too had massive fits and crying tantrums. I bet it's more common that I thought.
So if you are in the pre-engaged state, for the love of god, don't worry about any of these thoughts. This is normal, and what happens when we continue to let a patriarchal custom dictate our lives :) It is also shorter than you think, because your partner is genuinely waiting for the right time to do it his way. So hold tight, search the web, join in the frustration and have a wee laugh at yourself. You'll need it to get through the months.
When I talk about the pre-engaged state, people can look at you oddly and query 'you mean dating?'. No. no, I do not mean dating. There was a good year and a half, two years of 'dating' in our history and I wouldn't call that pre-engaged. I mean the state where you have had The Talk, the one about your future and how you would like to marry each other and who wants kids and where will you live and all the other things that make up your life as you wish it. You squeeze each other's hands when someone says something lovely at a wedding and grin at each other when people say 'you two next, eh?'.
Well, you do those things the first couple of months. Then it starts getting a bit more serious. I mean, you need to know about his family medical history and what he thinks makes a good proposal. You start looking at your friend's wedding pictures again, and hanging on to their every word about the proposal. Then, you have your first hissy fit. It might not be over something big. It might be he said he can't envision it this year, or he hasn't really thought about it that much, or he didn't look at the handy list of ring ideas you gave him that one night you were all loved up.
This is when it starts biting you in the ass. Because if you are anything like me, you are in control of your life. You make decisions on things that impact your life, with and without your partner. The very idea that someone else is the gatekeeper, and therefore in control of your future happiness, makes you want to scream.
So you scream. The first fight was solved easily enough by you blaming low blood sugar and him hugging you and telling you he loved you. The second fight is uglier; it involves sentences like 'They are getting married and they've only been togther 18 months!' and 'Everyone but me is getting married and they all pity me!' and 'Maybe you don't really love me.' It's a bit of a train wreck.
My best tantrum came after a trip to Hatton Garden (London jewellery district) to fix a bracelet and we then had a look at rings through the windows. I was thrilled. I wanted to try them on, just to see what suited me. Just to feel like maybe we were getting to that place. Plus, shiny diamonds. Who wouldn't? He didn't want me to try any on. 'What's the point?' he asked. 'We're not buying anything.'
We walked to the Tube station in silence and then I had a crying fit of epic proportions. I felt like he wasn't serious, and although I didn't want him to buy anything just yet, I just wanted us to take one more step down that road. I felt guilty for pressuring him and frustrated that he couldn't see how important it was to me. It turned into a horrible, horrible day.
I wish that I had known that other people were doing the same thing. That there were others who were just as impatient, just as 'in the marriage place' to be behaving as I was. I don't really wish I had done anything differently, because that wouldn't be me (plus, I think the fit got through to him how much I wanted some form of nod towards commitment). My friends appeared to take the whole 'your future happiness is in his hands and his decision alone' with grace, but now I'm not so sure. I think I might ask them to see if they too had massive fits and crying tantrums. I bet it's more common that I thought.
So if you are in the pre-engaged state, for the love of god, don't worry about any of these thoughts. This is normal, and what happens when we continue to let a patriarchal custom dictate our lives :) It is also shorter than you think, because your partner is genuinely waiting for the right time to do it his way. So hold tight, search the web, join in the frustration and have a wee laugh at yourself. You'll need it to get through the months.
Friday, 16 September 2011
Please, please back away from the chicken
I'm going to talk a bit about being engaged. This is mainly because I and my future husband have just entered this state after a long, long year of that 'pre-engaged' state where everyone looks at you expectantly when you come back from holiday.
I'm also going to talk about being engaged, or at least, waiting to be engaged, because of this link to the Engagement Chicken. I'm not joking. According to Glamour, if you cook this chicken for your boyfriend, you will get engaged.
Now, maybe this works if you have never cooked for your boyfriend in your whole life, and he's so overcome by the flavours of garlic and lemon he realises he can never let you go. But most people have been cooking for a while. I myself have made, oooh, at least 10 or so chickens like this since my fiance and I started dating. Strangely enough, it wasn't the chicken that made him propose.
If you want to marry your current boyfriend, at some point, you need to swing the conversation around to whether he wants to get married and how he sees his future. It should match to yours, or at least not deviate a huge amount (liking wanting kids when you don't). This should be called the Engagement Conversation. It is not a chicken. It is what adults do instead of playing games with food (alright, we play games with food too, but actual games, ok?).
If the Engagement Conversation goes well, you can maybe start the Ring Conversation. This can lead to Ring Research Trips or Ring Research Web Searches. These also are not chickens. These are called sharing and envisioning a life together.
If the Enagement Conversation doesn't go well (if you have brought it up on the first date, for example, or if he wants to become a monk), then you can make a chicken. But not for him. Make the chicken for you. The chicken is comforting and warm, and you can make chicken soup with the bones. You can eat the soup while internet dating for your next boyfriend, who doesn't want to become a monk, or who isn't so weirdly fixated on his culinary future that he pins it all on a chicken.
I'm also going to talk about being engaged, or at least, waiting to be engaged, because of this link to the Engagement Chicken. I'm not joking. According to Glamour, if you cook this chicken for your boyfriend, you will get engaged.
Now, maybe this works if you have never cooked for your boyfriend in your whole life, and he's so overcome by the flavours of garlic and lemon he realises he can never let you go. But most people have been cooking for a while. I myself have made, oooh, at least 10 or so chickens like this since my fiance and I started dating. Strangely enough, it wasn't the chicken that made him propose.
If you want to marry your current boyfriend, at some point, you need to swing the conversation around to whether he wants to get married and how he sees his future. It should match to yours, or at least not deviate a huge amount (liking wanting kids when you don't). This should be called the Engagement Conversation. It is not a chicken. It is what adults do instead of playing games with food (alright, we play games with food too, but actual games, ok?).
If the Engagement Conversation goes well, you can maybe start the Ring Conversation. This can lead to Ring Research Trips or Ring Research Web Searches. These also are not chickens. These are called sharing and envisioning a life together.
If the Enagement Conversation doesn't go well (if you have brought it up on the first date, for example, or if he wants to become a monk), then you can make a chicken. But not for him. Make the chicken for you. The chicken is comforting and warm, and you can make chicken soup with the bones. You can eat the soup while internet dating for your next boyfriend, who doesn't want to become a monk, or who isn't so weirdly fixated on his culinary future that he pins it all on a chicken.
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Bridesmaids Dilemma
Apart from 'Have you set a date yet?' the thing most people ask me is 'Who are your bridesmaids?'. And the problem is - I don't really know. As with most people by this age, you have a number of groups of friends - some overlap, some don't. And they all have their own lives to be getting on with. Invite one person out of a specific group and the other 2 girls in it might wonder why they weren't chosen. It gets a bit political.
I have a specific issue (or in fact, number of issues) in the fact that my definite bridesmaid lives in South Korea and won't be here until the wedding. So any leaning on her, taking her shopping with me or her orgainsing my Hen Night are out of the window. My fiance has chosen his sister as his best man, so while she's involved, she won't be with me the morning of the wedding. And my step-sister and I aren't hugely close, but I wouldn't mind having her - except my mother hates my step-mother and her children, so it would feel rude to my mother to choose her.
Now, I could just have one bridesmaid. But that seems a bit Billy-no-mates. So I was casting my eye around my friends, thinking who I would like to have with me on this journey. And it's a lot of people. But I can't ask this person as she's literally going through a breakdown and I don't want to add to the stress, and I can't ask this person because that's my fiance's ex, and I can't ask this person because she's about to have her first baby and I don't think she'll want to be bothered - I think she'll want any spare time to sleep!
There is a lot of pressure on brides to include a lot of their friends and to make it all 'girls together'. There is in fact one female friend I am thinking of, but I'm not sure if we are close enough yet, so I might wait. But while I do, I have definitely chosen one other person to be 'on my side' as it were - my best male friend Dan.
I figured, it's the 21st Century - surely I can have a bridesman, yes? There won't be any dresses involved, or anything like that. But I figured I could stretch to a nice suit, whether rented or bought, and a buttonhole and his calm influence and his piss-taking ways the morning of my wedding. I just hope he likes the idea when I ask him!
I have a specific issue (or in fact, number of issues) in the fact that my definite bridesmaid lives in South Korea and won't be here until the wedding. So any leaning on her, taking her shopping with me or her orgainsing my Hen Night are out of the window. My fiance has chosen his sister as his best man, so while she's involved, she won't be with me the morning of the wedding. And my step-sister and I aren't hugely close, but I wouldn't mind having her - except my mother hates my step-mother and her children, so it would feel rude to my mother to choose her.
Now, I could just have one bridesmaid. But that seems a bit Billy-no-mates. So I was casting my eye around my friends, thinking who I would like to have with me on this journey. And it's a lot of people. But I can't ask this person as she's literally going through a breakdown and I don't want to add to the stress, and I can't ask this person because that's my fiance's ex, and I can't ask this person because she's about to have her first baby and I don't think she'll want to be bothered - I think she'll want any spare time to sleep!
There is a lot of pressure on brides to include a lot of their friends and to make it all 'girls together'. There is in fact one female friend I am thinking of, but I'm not sure if we are close enough yet, so I might wait. But while I do, I have definitely chosen one other person to be 'on my side' as it were - my best male friend Dan.
I figured, it's the 21st Century - surely I can have a bridesman, yes? There won't be any dresses involved, or anything like that. But I figured I could stretch to a nice suit, whether rented or bought, and a buttonhole and his calm influence and his piss-taking ways the morning of my wedding. I just hope he likes the idea when I ask him!
Friday, 9 September 2011
Reading Between the Lines
I'm reading a couple of Sarah Iver's books at the moment and they are making me increasingly annoyed. While there are undoubtedly some good tips in there (her chapters on parent-management were good), the tone can be, well, privileged.
From talking about 200 guests, to constantly mentioning what you can do for wedding favours (parasols, hot-water bottles, seeds, sweets, fans), to suggesting to jet off in a helicopter, to fireworks displays, to actually thinking that you might get special t-shirts made for your serving staff, she's clearly coming from a place of great money. Now, my dad has been nice enough to tell me his financial contribution to my wedding, and it's above average. So trust me when I say that she is assuming a lot more than average to get these.
So far, to feed and water 110 guests, it is looking like we may have to shell out £15,000. That is a huge amount of money. We want people to have a good time, so this is our biggest expense, and I know I'm damn lucky to be able to do it. But books that don't recognise the privilege they are coming from, and therefore suggest that really, no one cares if you have a frikkin' helicopter, bug the hell out of me.
From talking about 200 guests, to constantly mentioning what you can do for wedding favours (parasols, hot-water bottles, seeds, sweets, fans), to suggesting to jet off in a helicopter, to fireworks displays, to actually thinking that you might get special t-shirts made for your serving staff, she's clearly coming from a place of great money. Now, my dad has been nice enough to tell me his financial contribution to my wedding, and it's above average. So trust me when I say that she is assuming a lot more than average to get these.
So far, to feed and water 110 guests, it is looking like we may have to shell out £15,000. That is a huge amount of money. We want people to have a good time, so this is our biggest expense, and I know I'm damn lucky to be able to do it. But books that don't recognise the privilege they are coming from, and therefore suggest that really, no one cares if you have a frikkin' helicopter, bug the hell out of me.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Venue elation!
I was sceptical when my friend told me that, much like the dress, you will just know your venue when you visit it. We'd seen several 'never in a million years' venues, one good venue and one exceptional venue. Both of these of course had their drawbacks - the good venue, while affordable, had ugly 'rainy day' rooms and was slightly cramped, the other was so, SO expensive I was thinking of selling things to afford it. To be honest, with the latter I thought I loved it so hard that I would do anything. I was so wrong.
We went to Syon House yesterday to have a look, after the nice man at Kew Gardens told us it was the only venue he'd seen to rival Kew. It's astonishing. It has a beautiful ceremony room that has ancient statues surround it, which is perfect. The 'rainy day' rooms are stunning. The drinks courtyard is just delightful and the reception venue is a huge conservatory that looks amazing when lit up. And all for around £3k less than Kew and £4k more than Pembroke Lodge, so it's still on the expensive side but definitely more affordable.
The thing that really sold us was the fact that they refuse to allow their caterers to charge for corkage as they think it's a rip off. I mean, talk about integrity! The venue has it in spades. Plus, it has so much of its own decoration that you really don't have to go overboard, so no chair covers, no elaborate flower arrangements, just two pedastal arrangements and the table decorations - that's it. The lights in the conservatory are colour-changeable and your function manager will organise that for you. What could be better?
Interestingly, they start taking bookings for the next year on the first Monday of April, in person. It's a good system that means you get a flurry of bookings and then can see where you stand. We thought the people and the location were wonderful and we're looking forward to booking with them.
We went to Syon House yesterday to have a look, after the nice man at Kew Gardens told us it was the only venue he'd seen to rival Kew. It's astonishing. It has a beautiful ceremony room that has ancient statues surround it, which is perfect. The 'rainy day' rooms are stunning. The drinks courtyard is just delightful and the reception venue is a huge conservatory that looks amazing when lit up. And all for around £3k less than Kew and £4k more than Pembroke Lodge, so it's still on the expensive side but definitely more affordable.
The thing that really sold us was the fact that they refuse to allow their caterers to charge for corkage as they think it's a rip off. I mean, talk about integrity! The venue has it in spades. Plus, it has so much of its own decoration that you really don't have to go overboard, so no chair covers, no elaborate flower arrangements, just two pedastal arrangements and the table decorations - that's it. The lights in the conservatory are colour-changeable and your function manager will organise that for you. What could be better?
Interestingly, they start taking bookings for the next year on the first Monday of April, in person. It's a good system that means you get a flurry of bookings and then can see where you stand. We thought the people and the location were wonderful and we're looking forward to booking with them.
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Taking it a bit too far
You guys should check out this blogpost, or even this article on the same thing. It's in turn reblogged from Fuck Yeah Wedding Ideas but I believe they have since taken this down - can you guess why?
Themed weddings can be cute, but not if your theme is Colonial Africa, not if you are white and have clearly requested your servers be black and especially, especially not if you are in South Africa. Christ on a bike.
Themed weddings can be cute, but not if your theme is Colonial Africa, not if you are white and have clearly requested your servers be black and especially, especially not if you are in South Africa. Christ on a bike.
Monday, 1 August 2011
Er, is there a payment plan?
We saw Kew Gardens on Saturday. Oh. My. God. It's possibly the prettiest wedding venue we've seen so far, and also - of course - the most expensive. Three times as expensive, to be precise, and it doesn't include things such as furniture, plates or glassware for the reception as other venues can do.
If you had a budget of £30k+, I would highly recommend it, especially for Spring/Summer weddings. The flowers in bloom with their smells, the wildlife roaming around (lots of geese) and the light in the glass Conservatory would be truly memorable. I can imagine even rainy days being highly romantic.
I can also imagine feeling fairly upset that you couldn't afford such a gorgeous place! No wonder it is completely unbooked for the month we were looking at - in contrast to Pembroke Lodge.
You really have to ask what is included in the price at the venues you look at - and always ask if the price includes VAT. We thought Kew wasn't SO bad - until we realised that VAT added an extra £3k to the price!
If you had a budget of £30k+, I would highly recommend it, especially for Spring/Summer weddings. The flowers in bloom with their smells, the wildlife roaming around (lots of geese) and the light in the glass Conservatory would be truly memorable. I can imagine even rainy days being highly romantic.
I can also imagine feeling fairly upset that you couldn't afford such a gorgeous place! No wonder it is completely unbooked for the month we were looking at - in contrast to Pembroke Lodge.
You really have to ask what is included in the price at the venues you look at - and always ask if the price includes VAT. We thought Kew wasn't SO bad - until we realised that VAT added an extra £3k to the price!
Sunday, 17 July 2011
A change of plans?
We should be done with our viewing of venues by the end of August - too many venues and not enough weekends, I'm afraid. It doesn't help that the Hurlingham Club won't let you visit it during the weekend, which basically means we can't really see it - strangely enough, we work when they say they need us to see it.
Pembroke Lodge was lovely though - and is causing a potential change of plans as they have no dates left for 2012 - so we are now thinking of possibly getting hitched in 2013. I'm not really happy about that year - I have a weird thing about odd years - but on the plus side, it means no Olympics interference!
Pembroke Lodge was lovely though - and is causing a potential change of plans as they have no dates left for 2012 - so we are now thinking of possibly getting hitched in 2013. I'm not really happy about that year - I have a weird thing about odd years - but on the plus side, it means no Olympics interference!
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
More venue blues
So it seems that the Roof Gardens in Kensington have a Private Member's Club on Friday and Saturday evenings, meaning you have to leave the venue by 5pm. This definitely does not work for us, but it's good information to know. So that means our list now looks like:
One WhiteHall PlaceParkstead House- Grove House
- Pembroke Lodge
- Hurlingham Club
- Kew Gardens
Rooftop Gardens in Kensington
Monday, 4 July 2011
Venue blues
My other half and I went to see a couple of venues this weekend to kick off the great venue hunt. One was a hotel/private club in the middle of London and one was a Grade II home on the edge of Richmond Park. The latter was the one I had fallen in love with from the photos.
They both sucked.
The mid-London one had a lovely coordinator and lots of space, but the decor was very old, dark, traditional and there would be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing for our guests. We want there to be more of a meander in our reception, rather than up and down a lot of steps.
The second one - well, it was on the grounds of a university and unfortunately you couldn't ignore the concrete and glass monstrosity facing you everywhere you turned. The other consideraton was the price was only for venue hire. I mean - no PA system, no tables, no chairs, nothing. You got staff and the venue and you had to wrap up by 11.30pm.
So far, so bad. We have another one to see next weekend then we go on holiday and have some more in August. I'm happy to compromise on various things but I think when you are both looking at each other with 'ergh' eyes and finding it hard to envision your wedding in that room, it's probably best to cross that one off your list.
They both sucked.
The mid-London one had a lovely coordinator and lots of space, but the decor was very old, dark, traditional and there would be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing for our guests. We want there to be more of a meander in our reception, rather than up and down a lot of steps.
The second one - well, it was on the grounds of a university and unfortunately you couldn't ignore the concrete and glass monstrosity facing you everywhere you turned. The other consideraton was the price was only for venue hire. I mean - no PA system, no tables, no chairs, nothing. You got staff and the venue and you had to wrap up by 11.30pm.
So far, so bad. We have another one to see next weekend then we go on holiday and have some more in August. I'm happy to compromise on various things but I think when you are both looking at each other with 'ergh' eyes and finding it hard to envision your wedding in that room, it's probably best to cross that one off your list.
Our potential venues
To help people understand what kind of criteria for venues we're looking at and how you need to be tough, I thought I'd share our list.
Our criteria was:
That's seven places and I'm really hoping one of them is the one for us - otherwise it's back to the drawing board and we'll have to compromise on something. They encompass varying types of weddings, from packages to real DIY opportunities.
Our criteria was:
- In or near London so no extended travelling for guests
- All in one location, so ceremony and reception in the same place
- Space enough for 120 people
- Somewhere a bit modern or different
That's seven places and I'm really hoping one of them is the one for us - otherwise it's back to the drawing board and we'll have to compromise on something. They encompass varying types of weddings, from packages to real DIY opportunities.
Venue search - questions
You might not know anything about your wedding - whether it's going to be big, small, buffet style, sit down, civil ceremony or in a church - but you know you need to start looking for a venue.
Venues can get booked up far in advance, especially if you are doing the 'wedding season' - May to September - so you should start looking early. We're looking around 14 months before when we want to get married, because venues in or around London for over 100 guests are scarce.
When you do start looking (I tended to find a lot of the venues on my list through Hitched, Wedding Venues and Find a Wedding Venue), you may want to have a handy list of questions to ask when you go to look at the venue.
I tend to find that these questions fall into various categories:
Venue availability and the rooms: check when it's available and what areas/rooms are available. Find out the maximum and minimum number of guests, where they can put their coats and if there's a room handy for kids or the band/DJ to eat or get ready in. Also ask if you need to set up the room yourself and whether there's rooms for guests to stay in and especially a room for the bride and groom to get ready in.
Venue price: check what's included in the price, if it's ex-VAT, what the deposit timings are, if there are different prices for different months/days and whether they have any wedding packages that can be tailored. Also find out the cancellation and postponement policy - sounds like tempting fate, but it's better safe than sorry.
Decorations and entertainment: ask whether you can have confetti/fireworks/naked flames, or if there's anything you absolutely cannot have, ask about lighting and PA systems, look at the space for a dnace floor/band/DJ/bar, check what time the bar has to close, check what time the music must stop or if there's volume considerations, check if the venue supplies things like cake stands and knives, chair covers, table linen, table numbers and place cards and a table seating chart. Some do, some don't and the economy is something you need to consider.
Suppliers and food: ask for a preferred list, ask what they do in house as it might be cheaper and you can negotiate a deal, ask when you can have a food and wine tasting, see if they will cater for special dietary needs and if you can change something within a set package. Also ask if they have any deals with local taxi firms and if your photographer can look round the venue before your big day.
Venues can get booked up far in advance, especially if you are doing the 'wedding season' - May to September - so you should start looking early. We're looking around 14 months before when we want to get married, because venues in or around London for over 100 guests are scarce.
When you do start looking (I tended to find a lot of the venues on my list through Hitched, Wedding Venues and Find a Wedding Venue), you may want to have a handy list of questions to ask when you go to look at the venue.
I tend to find that these questions fall into various categories:
Venue availability and the rooms: check when it's available and what areas/rooms are available. Find out the maximum and minimum number of guests, where they can put their coats and if there's a room handy for kids or the band/DJ to eat or get ready in. Also ask if you need to set up the room yourself and whether there's rooms for guests to stay in and especially a room for the bride and groom to get ready in.
Venue price: check what's included in the price, if it's ex-VAT, what the deposit timings are, if there are different prices for different months/days and whether they have any wedding packages that can be tailored. Also find out the cancellation and postponement policy - sounds like tempting fate, but it's better safe than sorry.
Decorations and entertainment: ask whether you can have confetti/fireworks/naked flames, or if there's anything you absolutely cannot have, ask about lighting and PA systems, look at the space for a dnace floor/band/DJ/bar, check what time the bar has to close, check what time the music must stop or if there's volume considerations, check if the venue supplies things like cake stands and knives, chair covers, table linen, table numbers and place cards and a table seating chart. Some do, some don't and the economy is something you need to consider.
Suppliers and food: ask for a preferred list, ask what they do in house as it might be cheaper and you can negotiate a deal, ask when you can have a food and wine tasting, see if they will cater for special dietary needs and if you can change something within a set package. Also ask if they have any deals with local taxi firms and if your photographer can look round the venue before your big day.
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
A little giggle to start this off
I love finding out what is important to people when they are searching for a venue. Two things I have read recently have made me laugh and think about how much time and money we spend on weddings to make them grandiose when perhaps we should be looking at the more intimate and personal details.
One was a little sentence in a wedding magazine recently that suggested people throw confetti at the end of the ceremony as it makes a "great budget replacement for a firework display" - as if firework displays were the norm in weddings now. They might be more popular, but so far I haven't been to one with fireworks - well, outside ones at least!
The other is in the top questions to ask your venue (I'll be posting on this later) from Hitched.co.uk where the last one read:
Is this really one of the top questions to ask your venue? Really? Because so many of us are hiring helicopters to leave by during this recession.
Made me giggle, anyway.
One was a little sentence in a wedding magazine recently that suggested people throw confetti at the end of the ceremony as it makes a "great budget replacement for a firework display" - as if firework displays were the norm in weddings now. They might be more popular, but so far I haven't been to one with fireworks - well, outside ones at least!
The other is in the top questions to ask your venue (I'll be posting on this later) from Hitched.co.uk where the last one read:
"Do you have landing permission should we want a helicopter to whisk us away after the evening reception?"
Is this really one of the top questions to ask your venue? Really? Because so many of us are hiring helicopters to leave by during this recession.
Made me giggle, anyway.
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